answer #1

there's this set of questions that has been bothering me for quite some time. it takes a lot of questioning other people to find the perfect answers. yes, 'answers' there are a lot of answers but i had only found few that satisfy my curiosity.

the question is, "how the hell will you know that you are going to marry that person? how can you be so sure about that? how can you tell? why can't there ever be a definite answer for this?"

gosh, those questions are a burden to my very soul.

i got a lot of answers from various kind of people. mostly they say it's love. you can feel the love running through your heart, telling you that kind of things.

but i don't have much faith in "following the heart" crap. sometimes, the heart just wants to be hurt. i can't let that happen. falling out of love is not a choice for me, God, please forbid it from happening again. (though i know that it is unavoidable)

then, it came to Solat Istikharah, this answer is acceptable because my religion plays a lot in this matter. but, most people said that Solat Istikharah can only be done if you are completely clueless and uncertain of your choices and you have to give up these choices to God and he will choose. if you have even a seed of certainty on one of those decisions, God will not grant you the answer. you have to let go completely to God. yes, i can't ever trust my heart wholly  but my to God, Allah, He's the one i will turn to when matters got indecisive.

but, i crave for more definite answers. the one that does not involve faith, or heart or any kind of weird shits. i want certainties. the kind of answer that figures the entire without having to question it with another question.

haifaa, my roommate, gave me one of the definite answers. at first, like any other person she answered with the "follow your heart" too. but as time passes by and by night, during our way back home from dinner, she told me;

"you asked me that question about how to know that the guy is the one you're going to marry right?"

"yeah?"

"i got the answer."

"what?"

"you are willing to share everything, and i mean everything without caring if you will ever have enough for yourself."

the answer clicked to my questions. a relationship with a complete altruistic act.

 i guess that resolve a partial part of my wonders. i sure do hope there will be more answers to these questions of mine. i need it. if you have any idea for answers, do tell me. please.

so, just a complete altruistic act for one another, today.

jf.