faith

assalamualaikum.

growing up i was a lousy muslim. i still am a lousy muslim today but not as lousy as i previously was. the thing was, i did not quite have a hold on what Islam is and i questioned a lot of things. i know it was bad to question Islam but in my defense i need answers to truly believe in something, to have faith. if you are too, a skeptic person, you would understand and if you are not, well, try to.

this may sound absurd and so wrong is a lot of angle but i have to say it; i used to think that growing up surrounded my Islamic cultures does not mean i have to be a muslim. yes, i know, wrong. but like i said before, i questioned too many things and if someone answered my question, trust me, i will find other questions and that someone will hate the crap out of me. for one, to truly believe in something for as long as one lives, one needs consideration. a careful consideration.

so, as a very lousy muslim, i did what any lousy muslim did, i covered my aurat and that was it. my prayers were non-existant.

but here's the thing, i keep asking Allah for some clues for me to thoroughly believe in Islam, in Him and He gave me an answer. He answered the one prayer that i had been praying ever since i started schooling, aka, kindergarten.

my birthday is on 30th November, and as a school-er i've always wanted to celebrate my birthday at school like any other kids whom i had seen. but, my birthday is on the end of the school year which means that i can never, i mean, never at all celebrate my birthday at school.

until one day, the last day of school. the last paper of SPM. that fell on the date 30th November of 2011. my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. and it was one of the most amazing day in my entire life.

that opened my eyes completely and saw what Allah is trying to hand me that day. it was my faith. He proved to me that He will answer all of my prayers, may not be now or tomorrow, but He eventually will. thus, He answered all my questions at once.

now, i am still a lousy muslim, but i know for sure that i am a muslim and there's no other religion that i want to fulfill my curious mind with. Allah knows it all, He answers it all. i am really glad i didn't lose my faith. really really glad.

alhamdulillah (:

jf.