Sometimes

                           

You know how sometimes things are just hard to handle? Sometimes you got sidetracked from whatever it is that you are supposed to be on track with? You know how sometimes giving up seems to be the clearer choice? Sometimes not waking up is easier?

You know how sometimes you just choke up in your own tears? Flood your blood with fears? Sometimes things are so easy, look so fucking easy but it is really really and i cannot emphasize on the word "really" enough, hard? You know how sometimes the dark side just get the best of you and you have left with no choice other than to embrace it? Sometimes even though love is all around but you just cannot feel it?

You know how sometimes breathing feels like job, like you have to focuse and direct yourself step by step to breathe in and breathe out rather than having that action as an involuntary thing to do?

You know how sometimes you have two choices, and it is so easy for you to decide but so hard to implement?

You know you can choose to live or to die today, and either which one you choose, it will still be hard?

You know sometimes i am just too fucked up, too caught up, too sidetracked, too blinded, too horrified, too tired, i am just too fucking tired;

Of not being myself. Of caging myself. Of hiding myself. Of judging myself. Of horrifying myself. Of pushing too much out of myself. Of not having faith in myself. Of giving up with myself. 

I used to say that being happy is a must. But........

I do not know anymore. Is it me or is it the world?

I reckon it is me because everything around me is okay, but everything inside of me is purely fucked up. 

This is a very narcissistic post, very much indeed. Please, be happy.